It’s been seven days since Ky left us. Seven days of trying to find a new way without him by my side. Seven days of re-discovering exactly how deeply woven he was (and still is) into my life and livelihood.
There is a famous saying “not all who wander are lost”. Right now my personal view on this is slightly different.
“Not all who are lost wander”.
I’m not wandering. I’m getting up, going to work, going to the grocery store, going to the bank, answering e-mails, and hundreds of other normal seeming chores. But I’m still on auto-pilot.
Inside I’m lost.
There’s a huge hole, emotionally and physically, in our household.
There are another couple quotes that come to mind:
“Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in having never been broken…but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places.”
Followed by
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’”.
So for now I will get up again tomorrow on autopilot and do a hundred seemingly normal chores. But they’re not normal really. Being without Ky by my side isn’t normal yet. But in the not-too-distant future my new, stronger normal will be Ky only inside my heart.
“It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
—Cheryl Zuccaro
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our lives. Yet, if they find warmth therein, who would begrudge them those years that they have so guarded? And whatever they take, be sure they have deserved.”
–John Galsworthy “Memories”